Last week I had the pleasure of teaching middle school girls lean to change their negative self-talk so that they could learn to Be Their Own Valentine. It was such a powerful couple of days and a great reminder about the importance of this work. On Wednesday I was honored to bring my workshop to Christ the King School, a private Catholic school in Buckhead, Atlanta. The school counselor is a friend and colleague and when she saw I was holding a workshop at my office, she immediately knew that her students needed this workshop, but that travelling to my office would be difficult for the students (if you live in Atlanta you will understand why the 8.6 mile trek from Buckhead to Decatur isn’t really doable). She asked if I would be willing to come to the school to present, and with the blessing of her administration, arranged for me to do so, We had only a week’s notice so I wasn’t optimistic that we had enough time to generate interest but I was pleasantly surprised (and admittedly a bit anxious) when 30 girls signed up! Thankfully I had the assistance of the two school counselors to help me facilitate the workshop. It was a really wonderful experience.

I began the workshop by sharing this video of a wonderful experiment Ikea did on the effects of bullying uses plants as subjects. Children in the video were asked to either bully or complement two identical plants for 30 days and observe the effects. Bullying including statements such as “ Nobody likes you” or “You’re useless” and positive statements included “You are beautiful” and “You’re making a difference in this world”. SPOILER ALERT: The plant that was complemented flourished while the bullied plant languished and wilted. If bullying has this impact on plants, imagine its impact on humans. Now imagine that you are the one bullying yourself. The girls were introduced to the Brain Bullies or the Self-Esteem Stealers shown below and asked to write examples of the ways that they bully themselves. Later they were asked to match the bullying statement with the bully We then went over the ways they could talk back to the bully and they were given the opportunity to literally shred their negative thought in the manual paper-shredder as they talked back to their inner bully. Finally, the girls made Valentines to themselves with candy heart bracelets and heart decor. It was so fun seeing what they came up with.

I did a similar version of these exercises the next night at Gathered and Grounded, albeit with a much smaller group. It was equally impactful and such a joy to give these girls new skills so they can learn to change the conversations in their heads and learn to start loving themselves on Valentine’s Day and everyday!

Interested in bringing a similar workshop to your school or community? Email me here.

You can get your own Don’t Be Your Own Bully Book here

These are the Usual Suspects -The Self-Esteem Stealsrs

DIY conversation hearts- Edible markers helping them change the conversation in their heads

Literally shredding their negative thoughts

Be Your Own Valentine